Roman Around

combating liberalism and other childish notions

Archive for the ‘holiday greetings’ Category


Posted by Andrew Roman on June 14, 2010


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Posted by Andrew Roman on March 17, 2010



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Posted by Andrew Roman on February 14, 2010

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Posted by Andrew Roman on January 1, 2010


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Posted by Andrew Roman on December 28, 2009

As I attempt to morph into a post-Christmas blogging mind set, and veer away momentarily from the political, I am curious if there are any less than serious Christmastime mishaps anyone would like to share? Any retail store nightmares? Goofy little Yuletide anecdotes? Traveling disaster stories?

From the “Why Don’t You Ever Share Anything From Your Personal Life” file … I thought I’d share my classic Christmas debacle from a year ago – a tale worth revisiting, if only to be used as a vehicle to pine for the days when good customer service was standard, and not an “art form.”

I won’t mention the name of the chain store involved in this story. Rest assured, however, it is a well-known national retail outlet I’d be willing to wager a vital body appendage that practically everyone has been to at some point.

Anyway, I purchased two items through this unnamed chain store’s web site – let’s call them “Pest Pie,” for the sake of this discussion – on December 21st using a debit card. These items were meant as gifts for my twin teenage daughters  (both juniors in high school at the time).

The method of delivery I chose for these gifts – two mini portable HP notebooks that can fit in the palm of your hand – was “store pick up” – a good choice, I thought, because it would, first of all, save me money on shipping charges. Second, it would guarantee the gifts to be in hand by Christmas.

It didn’t take long – maybe a matter of a few minutes – before my debit card had been sucked of the money it cost to buy these two items. Indeed, I received a confirmation e-mail that the two notebooks were, in fact, in stock at my local “Pest Pie” store, waiting to be picked up. The receipts that came via e-mail had actual, honest-to-goodness, bona-fide, real-life confirmation numbers for each item.

The next morning, with a Burl Ives tune in my head, a steaming debit card in my pocket, and the feeling of a guardian angel hanging over my shoulder (because I found a parking space within one half-mile of the store’s entrance), I frolicked into “Pest Pie,” with receipts in hand and confirmation numbers at the ready.

After giving the young man at the pickup window my driver’s license, the debit card used to make the purchase, and printed receipts, I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Seventeen thousand people came and went to that little pickup window while I stood there waiting.

And waiting.

Finally, with the rings around my trunk growing exponentially, and the moss covering the tops of my feet, the clearly-disinterested young man came back to me and spoke those fateful words that send chills down the spine of even the most hardened men – “There’s a problem with your order, sir.”


Happy Employee: “The items you purchased are missing.”

Me: “Excuse me? Missing?”

Happy Employee: “Yes, sir. They’ve gone missing. We cannot locate them.”

Me: “But I have confirmation numbers.”

Happy Employee: “Yes, sir. But the items aren’t here.”

Me: “But the e-mail said they were here.”

Happy Employee: “I know. They’re missing now.”

Visions of a famous episode of Seinfeld came roaring into my head – the one where Jerry is wanting to rent a car, and despite having the reservation in hand, he discovers there are no cars to be had.

Car Rental Gal: “Well, I’m sorry we have no midsize available at the moment.”

Seinfeld: “I don’t understand. I made a reservation. Do you have my reservation?’

Car Rental Gal: “Yes. We do. Unfortunately, we ran out of cars.”

Seinfeld: “But the reservation keeps the car here. That’s why you have the reservation.”

Car Rental Gal: “I know why we have reservations.”

Seinfeld: “I don’t think you do. If you did, I’d have a car. You see, you know how to take the reservation. You just don’t know how to hold the reservation. And that’s really the most important part of the reservation – the holding.”

As I tried to wrap my brain around the idea that these items I paid for were somehow “missing” – and with the young “Pest Pie” representative in front of me texting away to his heart’s delight to who knows whom – I decided that with only three days remaining before the holiday, I would ask for the money to be credited back to my debit card immediately so I could make other arrangements for the twins’ presents. I was told that I would need to call the customer service number and cancel the order. Once that was done, I could get the immediate credit.

So I made the call.

Right there in the store.

If I tried to accurately depict how ridiculous I must have looked making this phone call, right in the middle of “Pest Pie,” trying to avoid being crushed by holiday shoppers near the front doors (so I could get phone service), I couldn’t do it justice. It, too, was something out of a Seinfeld episode because I simply couldn’t hear a single word the woman on the other end of the line was saying. She was, in Seinfeldian-speak, a “low talker” – and I wasn’t about to hang up and try again. I had already waited on hold seventeen minutes.  

So there I was, standing in the middle of the “Pest Pie” lobby, with throngs of irritable Christmas shoppers teeming past me, one finger buried in my free ear to block out noise while I frantically tried to make out what this useless customer service rep was mumbling. Within minutes, I’m yelling into the phone at the mute-mouthed telephone rep (as if that would make me hear her any better), “I’m sorry?! Can you say that again? What?! What?! You want the last four digits of what????”

I’m sure there has to be a security tape somewhere of a bouncing idiot with a finger in his ear, screaming into a cell phone making the rounds of “Pest Pie” employee break rooms everywhere.

Eventually, the low-taking woman – who was either named Jennifer or Window Slat – was yelling back at me so that I could hear her.

When it was over, I went home and bothered no one for the rest of the day.

The next morning, I checked my account online and found (predictably) that my card had not been credited for the purchase amount of two mini notebooks.

I did, however, receive another e-mail confirming my original order, with a whole new set of confirmation numbers. I was charged again for two HP mini notebooks and was told they were in stock, ready for pickup at “Pest Pie.”

I had now paid for four of these things, and had none to show for it.

Please understand that I am rich by no means (except maybe to Barack Obama). As I do every year, I started saving for the holidays just before baseball season started. I always use that a reminder to start stashing cash for the holidays. Indeed, I did have enough money in that account to cover the cost of two additional HP mini notebooks. However, that money was reserved for other things – like presents for other people … and msicellaneous incidentals like food and water for us, that we might eat and sustain life.

Naturally, I called the good folks at “Pest Pie,” and told them my little story – this after having to choose “english” as my main-menu telehone language not once, but twice, and waiting on hold for twenty-three minutes.

Would you believe me if I said I didn’t even receive an “I’m sorry, sir,” or a “We apologize for any inconvenience,” or anything remotely similar to a smidgen of human decency?

I bet you would.

So, the only thing I could do – seeing as I had already purchased accessories for the mini notebooks – is try and get enough money together to purchase them from elsewhere –  yet again – so I’d have them in time for Christmas, i.e, borrow from someone or sell a kidney, and then pay back that money with the refund cash I’m supposed to get from “Pest Pie” the moment it is credited to my account.

It wasn’t easy, but as it turns out, I did purchase the gifts for my girls – and they absolutely loved them.

Of course, it took two weeks for any money credited to my account – which translates to “three-to-five business days” in modern customer service-speak.


I wonder if that’s the first time anyone ever had to pay for six computers just to get two.

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Posted by Andrew Roman on December 25, 2009

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Posted by Andrew Roman on December 25, 2009


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Posted by Andrew Roman on December 12, 2009

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Posted by Andrew Roman on November 26, 2009

On this Thanksgiving Day, it is most appropriate for me to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart who visit this blog – liberal or conservative, friend or foe, frequent visitor or occasional browser.

Thank you sincerely.

Readership has grown almost exponentially in recent months, and I am enormously humbled and eternally grateful. It is, indeed, my honor to have you.

I hope that you will continue to visit as often as possible, and if you are so inclined, leave your comments and invite others to stop by.

From my family to you and yours, have a wonderful and festive Thanksgiving!

And please don’t forget to count your blessings.

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Posted by Andrew Roman on November 26, 2009

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Posted by Andrew Roman on November 11, 2009

Veteran's Day 1
Veteran's Day 2
Veteran's Day 3
Veteran's Day 4
Veteran's Day 5
Veteran's Day 6

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Posted by Andrew Roman on October 12, 2009

columbus day

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Posted by Andrew Roman on September 17, 2009

It was two-hundred twenty-two years ago today that the delegates to the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia met to sign the document they spent almost four months debating and creating.

As it was being signed, Benjamin Franklin of Pennsylvania took occassion to comment on something that had held his attention throughout the duration of the Constututional Convention. It was the image of a half-sun, painted on the back of George Washington’s chair.

Said Franklin:

I have often in the course of that session, looked at the sun behind the president without being able to tell whether it was rising or setting. Now at length I have the happiness to know that it is indeed a rising and not a setting sun.”




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Posted by Andrew Roman on July 4, 2009


We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

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Posted by Andrew Roman on July 4, 2009


happy birthday america 4

happy birthday america

happy birthday america 5

happy birthday america 3

happy birthday america 6


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Posted by Andrew Roman on July 4, 2009

The birth of our nation

Independence Hall, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - July 4, 1776

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Posted by Andrew Roman on June 21, 2009

happy father's day

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Posted by Andrew Roman on May 10, 2009


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