Roman Around

combating liberalism and other childish notions

THE LORD, HE WAS GAY, ACCORDING TO ELTON

Posted by Andrew Roman on February 19, 2010

Biblical scholars and religious academics come and go, but very few have the insight of Great Britain’s Sir Elton John. Captain Fantastic not only knows how to caress the keys and make them sing, but his biblical prowess is unparalleled in the world of pampered musicians, whiny divas and historically illiterate celebrities.

How does he do it?

Two millennia of humanity were not able to discover it. Holy men, teachers, philosophers, students, archeologists and historians for the better part of twenty centuries could not unearth it. Never has there been serious consideration of such a thing … that is, until now.

Thank you, Sir Elton, for letting the world know that Jesus Christ was a homosexual.

Pete Samson from The Sun writes:

JESUS was GAY – according to the gospel of SIR ELTON JOHN. The singer makes his controversial claim about the Lord in a new US interview that will enrage America’s bible belt.

Elton, 62, declares as he pours out his heart to a magazine: “I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.”

He adds: “Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don’t know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East – you’re as good as dead.”

Presumably, these revelations came to him through the Gospels of Doug and Bruce.

I find it interesting that Sir E neglected to specify “Islam” when pointing out that being a gay woman in “the middle east” makes one as good as dead.  The all-encompassing “middle east” designation only showcases Mr. John’s extraordinary understanding of that part of the world.

After all, think of all those lesbian executions that take place in Israel.

One other question, Tiny Dancer: Would Jesus have been just as compassionate – or super-intelligent – if he were heterosexual?

Just asking.

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