Roman Around

combating liberalism and other childish notions


Posted by Andrew Roman on October 10, 2009

frozen chicagoThis is a tricky situation.

Admittedly, my meteorological skills have deteriorated since the advent of Doppler Radar, advanced computer modeling, and the end of magic marker forecasting on erasable white boards.

I’m not even sure I understand the difference between dew point and relative humidity.

And even though I think I am starting to get a handle on the enormity of the impending global warming catastrophe that awaits us all, I’m still wrestling with the finer details.

For instance, while I understand that rising temperatures can cause falling temperatures to trigger warming that can lead to widespread cooling, I’m still uncertain whether the original post-Industrial Revolution widespread cooling was the inevitable result of climactic shifts brought on by the original wave of man-made global warming – which would have, presumably, elicited the subsequent warming trends that preceded the current cooling trend – or if it was a temporary deviation that unwittingly led to the inevitable consequences that now face humankind due to the warming that is causing all the recent cooling. This, of course, doesn’t take into account the perils of global moderation, which has sparked the disasters of global temperateness, global normalcy, and global nothingness.

Still, there can no doubt that global warming threatens every living entity that occupies space on this planet; and nothing says “global warming” like snow in early October.

Andrew Greiner from NBC Chicago writes:

Start cursing the weather gods, Chicago.

Snow could be coming to town as early as this weekend. That’s right, snow. Flurries and flakes.

The forecast says that Saturday night rain will turn into the white stuff early Sunday morning.

If the snow sticks, it would be the earliest recorded measurable snowfall in Chicago. The record was set just three years ago when it snowed on Oct. 12.

But it won’t be a complete anomaly – Chicagoans are accustomed to strange, disappointing weather.

Chicago has played host to October snowstorms before. Back in 1989 we got hit with 6.3 inches for the month.

What’s worse than the snow is the below freezing temperatures that are expected to accompany it.

October snow.

Go figure.

Call me uncompassionate if you like. Label me unsympathetic if it makes you feel better. Tell me I’m downright narcissistic, but feel free to put me down for a little “impending global disaster.”

What the world needs now is warming, sweet warming.

Get out to your garages and let your cars idle. Run your hair dryers. Stop recycling. Throw away your squiggly light bulbs. If you own cows, feed them legumes and get their flatulence makers working.

It’s time to warm this puppy up.

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