Roman Around

combating liberalism and other childish notions

RENAMING BROOKLYN

Posted by Andrew Roman on January 23, 2009

Et, tu baseball?

Since Election Day, 2008, there have been streets and schools renamed for our new President, flags redesigned and desecrated with his image, holidays created for him, and a plethora of blabbering television newscasters gushing like bobby soxers over him. Rumor has it we could even see an Executive Order signed by President Obama – with White House counsel Gregory Craig by his side ready to wind him up for the Q&A – renaming a state or two after him (one of those forgettable fly-over states where the corn is).

The borough of Brooklyn, here in New York City – where voters went for Barack Obama by a margin of 4 to 1 – is home to the single-A minor-league baseball team, the Brooklyn Cyclones. They have a beautiful facility by the famed Coney Island boardwalk called Key Span Park.

On June 23rd, the Cyclones are renaming their team – for one night only – the BARACKLYN Cyclones. They will be issuing jerseys with “Baracklyn” across the front in a red, white and blue color scheme, along with Obama bobbleheads and other goodies such as:

baracklyn cyclonesThe Economic Stimulus Package: From 10am on January 20th – Inauguration Day – to midnight on January 23rd, ticket prices for the June 23rd game will be “rolled back” to the Cyclones’ inaugural 2001 season rates: $10 Field Box Seats, $8 Box Seats, $5 Bleacher Seats. Beginning January 24th, tickets will be priced at the regular 2009 rates ($15.oo, $12.00, $8.00)

Universal Health Care: Free Band-Aids to the first 1,000 fans

Naming Rights: Anyone named Barack gets in for free

Joe the Plumber special: any plumber named Joe gets two free tickets – one for himself, and one to “spread the wealth” with a friend

Bi-Partisan Consolation Prize: anyone named McCain or Palin will get a free Bleacher Seat

A clear-cut Exit Strategy: fans will receive American Flags and discount coupons as they leave the ballpark

Whether scratch and sniff stickers featuring the aromatic splendor of the President puffing on his favorite cigarette will be available is unknown at this time.

The team is also launching a website, baracklyncyclones.com , that is said to offer “progress updates, photos, blog entries, and a behind the scenes look at what goes into creating the Baracklyn promotion.”

At the team’s regular website is this inspirational message from the team’s General Manager, Steve Cohen:

“Barack Obama has energized and captivated the entire country, and we are proud to support our new president as America enters a new era in its history. The similarities between his name and our home borough opened up avenues for the Cyclones to incorporate that support in interesting and humorous ways. The President-elect’s message is one of change. In an effort to pay homage to that idea, we’re changing our prices, our policies, and the name of our team – for one day, at least.”

As I’ve alluded to many times, the line separating parody and reality in this country is vanishing like Gitmo. Ideas that once seemed perfectly fitting for the front page of The Onion, or as a sketch on Saturday Night Live have suddenly crossed over into the realm of reality, e.g., “Global Warming Causes Global Cooling.

Back on November 21, 2008 – long before the marketing team at the Cyclones’ front office started congratulating themselves for a promotion well-done – I wrote a piece called “What’s In A Name” after an elementary school here in New York was renamed for then President-Elect Barack Obama. In an attempt to demonstrate the absurdity of the whole thing, I wrote:

He is not the President yet, people!

On the horizon, some possible adjustments to look for:

-Brooklyn Bridge to Baracklyn Bridge
-Broadway to Barackway
-Bedford Stuyvesant to Barackford Stuyvesant

I should have copyrighted the damn thing.

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4 Responses to “RENAMING BROOKLYN”

  1. Well, the free market has spoken: All the tickets for the special Baracklyn Cyclones game sold out within 12 hours. I especially like the Joe the Plumber special (yikes! that could be a lot of guys in Brooklyn) and the Bi-Partisan consolation prize. I’m guessing there are fewer Palins and McCains in the area than plumbers named Joe, but that’s really just a guess.

  2. Well, the free market has spoken: All the tickets for the special Baracklyn Cyclones game sold out within 12 hours. I especially like the Joe the Plumber special (yikes! that could be a lot of guys in Brooklyn) and the Bi-Partisan consolation prize. I’m guessing there are fewer Palins and McCains in the area than plumbers named Joe, but that’s really just a guess.

  3. […] Meanwhile, here in Brooklyn, as I wrote about a few days ago, the Brooklyn Cyclones minor league baseball squad is celebrating the election of Barack Obama by renaming their team, for one day, the Baracklyn Cyclones. […]

  4. […] Meanwhile, here in Brooklyn, as I wrote about a few days ago, the Brooklyn Cyclones minor league baseball squad is celebrating the election of Barack Obama by renaming their team, for one day, the Baracklyn Cyclones. […]

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