Roman Around

combating liberalism and other childish notions

YOUR STRING OF CHRISTMAS LIGHTS IS KILLING US

Posted by Andrew Roman on December 27, 2008

xmasBeing good for the sake of goodness alone – without all of that God nonsense mixed in – may indeed be one of the more industrious advertising campaigns implemented by atheists this holiday season, but fear not … environmentalists aren’t too happy with Christmas either. In fact, according to scientists at the Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization (CSIRO) of Australia, Christmas may be ruining the planet.

If you happen to be one of those self-involved, less-than-conscientious observers of Christmas who bothers to decorate his or her home with holiday lights, without as much as a stitch of consideration for what you are doing to the environment, you are dead-red guilty of contributing to the demise of the Earth.

In other words, your string of Christmas lights is killing us.

From the Courier Mail in Australia:

Scientists have warned that Christmas lights are bad for the planet due to huge electricity waste and urged people to get energy efficient festive bulbs.

CSIRO researchers said householders should know that each bulb turned on in the name of Christmas will increase emissions of greenhouse gases.

Dr Glenn Platt, who leads research on energy demand, said Australia got 80 per cent of its electricity by burning coal which pumps harmful emissions into the atmosphere.

The culprit here is electricity – or rather, “centralized carbon intensive, coal-based power stations” that produce the electricity needed to power these little flickering balls of grim death.

“Energy efficient bulbs, such as LEDs, and putting your Christmas lights on a timer are two very easy ways to minimize the amount of electricity you use to power your lights.”

Dr Platt added: “For a zero-emission Christmas light show, you may consider using solar powered lights …”

That sounds so remarkably festive, doesn’t it? A “zero-emission Christmas light show.” Someone ought to compose a song.

While the increase of carbon dioxide in the Earth’s atmosphere has not – repeat not – been proven to cause a rise in surface temperatures (as the Al Gore Green-o-crats would have you believe), I’m willing to pretend for a moment it does.

My question then would be … can we possibly get more cars on the road? More smoke stacks a-pumping? More incandescent light bulbs a-burning?

If growing carbon dioxide levels do lead to rising temperatures, we need more of it here in the United States.

I assure you, I did my part. I even had Christmas lights burning inside the damn mailbox.

And to all of you across the nation who experienced some of the worst ice storms in decades, please accept my most sincere apologies. I strung up as many lights as I possibly could.

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